As I was scrolling through my feed instead of dealing with yet ANOTHER meeting (we just got back from spring break–we had a meeting then!), this wonderful entry from Balladeer’s Blog jumped out at me like a like a big-ass Bible that’s been hastily repurposed as a storybook.
Look, I could tell you about how crazy the whole damn “movie” is, but why should I do it when you can read it from a much better blogger than I? Just don’t forget to live high on the hog in the witness protection program…
As I was perusing all the other websites trying to come up with something for the next review (i.e. “borrowing ideas from more talented people than I”), I couldn’t help but notice that I need to come up with a REASON to write. If left to my own devices, I would be the Whitman’s Sampler of Bad Movie Blogs…wait, the Russell Stover of Bad Movie Blogs…uh, the whatever’s the best of that type of cheapo chocolate candy sampler thing desperate folks give significant others for V Day.
What with all the AI goodies they have nowadays, you’d think that I could whip out something in the style of (insert best blogs here…I’ve GOT to learn how to put a blog roll somewhere in here…do they still call them that? I’ve been old since 2005–an uber serious bout of heart failure/pneumonia will do that to you. I should’ve kept my Xanga Journal Chronicles of THAT whole mishegas!)
I should’ve known something was wrong–I wanted to wait until my 30th birthday…THEN I wanted to wait until my parents celebrated their anniversary on 7 December (yep…the anniversary of Pearl Harbor as well!) So, I waited until 8 December…but there was a goddamned snow and ice storm! Being the epitome of cheap, I claimed to my mother that I was going to WALK to the goddamned bus stop (icy roads/sidewalks/and downhill almost all the way!) Why pay $15 for a cab ride when I could pay $0 by using my college/staff pass? WIN-WIN!!!!
Of course, my mother merely chalked this up to the fact that I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since Thanksgiving; hadn’t eaten more than 800 calories per day since Satan knows when…and I was beginning to hallucinate. These weren’t those hallucinations where you think you see something in the corner of your eye…these were the type where you’d be having an extended conversation asking Larry Fine what it was like to pal around with Clint Eastwood, Edward G. Robinson, Phyllis Diller, Redd Foxx, Edy Williams (and also was Harry Cohn as big a putz as everyone said he was, and how he [Larry] felt about Moe’s son in law, Norman Maurer thinking he was the best actor and funniest comedian of all the Stooges…mind you, he was son in law to Moe and nephew in law to Shemp and Curly!)
It was around this time (with plenty of recovery time on my hands, when I started on my blogging of terrible movies. I came by this via my parents–the late 1970s and early 80s was a world where you had to watch SOMETHING after Wrestling at the Chase (we’ll forget what came on before that…Jerry Damn Falwell), boring talk shows, church crap on radio, OR, whatever terrible movies they were playing on KPLR-TV (Channel 11). But this was thirty years later, so I had South Park to help me along. Did I start my video collection of “Laughter is the Best Medicine” at this time, supplementing my aging Three Stooges videos that were peppered with commercials for The Waterbed Store (it looks like we see the end screen of a Shemp or Joe era short…and this was when it was still on those same reels from 1958), Becky (Queen of Carpet) and Wanda (Princess of Tile) along with a special surprise guest, one Mr. Steve Mizerany! Fantasy Jim Coachworks (whose commercials probably featured at least ONE someone I was familiar with); and later in the 90s, terrible, poorly acted, and out and out scams of “hot girls” you could talk to by calling “1-900-GIRL! Pick up the phone! Pick up the phone!” (This is a reasonable facsimilie thereof…)
That was a VERY convoluted way to tell you that 1: I need to find “new” terrible movies to review and 2: I need to figure out how to do a damn blogroll (or whatever they call that on WordPress.) This is also a convoluted way to tell you that sometimes I prefer watching/reading OTHER people review movies than do the “dirty work” myself. I mean, come on–that’s how I get my material for the few movies I do write about. How else would I have written about Savage Intruder (which has a degree of Stoogeration–Joe Besser as the tour bus driver).
Yes, this was a long-winded diatribe about my attempt to do a March Mayhem and Madness Blogathon where each and every obscure film will either be from the 1970s and have at least one degree of Stoogeration, or will be just a terrible junky exploitationer…with a degree of Stoogeration. I’ve got a little over two weeks to get some ideas together, so let’s hope I come up with something or other…
Welcome to Day 19 of Horrorwe’en, where we take a look at half of a double bill (or one third of a triple bill)…Death Curse of Tartu. This is from the fine folks at Bad Movies for Bad People (my kinda site!) Enjoy!
Welcome to one of my laziest posts of the season…which is fitting because this is one of the laziest subjects/videos I’ve seen in a WHILE (and I’ve been watching AI-created videos that sound everything out phonetically!) How is it lazy? Let me count the ways…
Anyhoo–this is a lazy post for a lazy video. Enjoy!
Gather your courage, dim the lights, and bask in the glory of seeing Joe Besser in a chapter of Trash Cinema Hagsploitation!
If you have ever looked for a job, ever thought about looking for a job, or even had a dream about looking for a job, you’ve probably woken up with an inbox filled with “I CAN FIND YOU A JOB IMMEDIATELY MAKING 2000000$ AN HOUR, JUST CASH THIS ACTUAL CHECK AND THEN GO TO JAIL BECAUSE IT’S FAKE!!! HA HA HA HA!!!!!”
It probably looked something like this:
Makin’ It RAIN!!!!
From: tilobinti samuel jaranti <t.sjaranti@yahoo.com>
Sent: Saturday, May 14, 2022 4:41 PM
To: sucker@sucker.sucker.com
Subject: Equal possibility for Sucker J
Good day Sucker J! Home based job for USA Lawful Permanent Residents only!
I am an HR specialist and I have found your resume through recruiting agency.
We are searching for a commodity package handler for a part-time position with our company. Job responsibilities include review of contents of the packages that will be delivered to your home or office address. You will also need to write a product review on our dashboard and then ship the product to the destination.
No special knowledge is required to work on this position. You just need to be a attentive, honest and responsible person.
Monthly pay will be in the range of 4000 to 5000 USD.
If you are interested in this position, please let me know about that in your reply, I will email you the details.
a
And they want your money (or something) so badly that they didn’t even bother to finish the danged thing!
Here’s another, but this doesn’t have to do with a job…I don’t know what it has to deal with!
From: Dr.Selby Alan <quangns.ct@ninhbinh.gov.vn>
Sent: Friday, May 27, 2022 7:11 AM
Subject: Business Proposal
Dear Friend
I wish to introduce myself to you, I am Selby Alan Keith a British, also a contract staff of an offshore bank (The Lloyds Bank Plc) London office. I am the head of the Audit Department. I am pleased to get across to you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal which I believe will profit the both of us after completion. I contacted you after a careful thought that you might be capable of handling this business transaction, which I will explain below. The sum of £35,500,000.00GBP (Thirty Five Million Five Hundred Thousand Great British Pound Sterling) is floating unclaimed in my bank as all efforts to get across to the relatives of our client who deposited the money have hit the stones. There is this client Mr. Roger Ian Wright a US businessman, founder of a Sao Paulo-based investment company. On the 22nd of May 2009, Mr. Roger Ian Wright, his wife and his two children all died in a King Air B350 plane crash seaside resort town of Trancoso, in the state of Bahia.
All attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless. My position here at my office requires me to investigate and provide the Next of Kin, I therefore made further investigations and discovered that Mr. Roger Ian Wright did not declare any next of kin or relation in all his official documents, including his bank deposit paperwork in my bank. According to the British Law the money will revert to the ownership of the British government after 10yrs if nobody applies to claim the fund. To prevent this from happening I have decided to seek your assistance to have you stand as his next of kin so that the said fund (£35.5 Million Great British Pounds), would be released in your name as the next of kin and paid into your account. All documents and proof that will have you claim this fund without stress will be forwarded to you upon your response to this mail.
I intend to share it 50% for you while 50% for me. I shall send you the details and necessary procedures with which to make the transfer to your bank account.
Should you be interested? Please send me your:
* Full names
* Private phone number
* Current residential address
* Occupation
* Age
* Sex.
Reach me via my e-mail ID: selbyalankth@gmail.com
Your immediate response will be appreciated.
Kind Regards,
Dr. Selby Alan Keith
It’s interesting that this has worked so well for so long…maybe I ought to get into this to get a new car!
31 Days of Horror…Six Degrees of Stoogeration Style! (4) 1970s (4) 1970s films (3) 2016 presidential race (6) Adam West (5) applications (3) bad movies (10) Blazing Stewardesses (3) b movies (28) careless words (5) Coleman Francis (3) Columbia Short Subjects (3) crazy (14) Donald Trump (9) Ed Wood (3) Flesh Feast (3) Floridasploitation (6) Foodimentary (3) Hagsploitation (3) Halloween (4) Hillary Clinton (4) Horrorwe'en (10) If It's the Last Thing I Do! (3) If It's The Last Thing I Ever Do (3) Joe DeRita (4) John Carradine (3) Larry Buchanan (3) Larry Fine (17) lottery (3) March Movie Madness & Mayhem (4) Moe Howard (19) Nazisploitation (3) Powerball (3) RiffTrax (3) Shemp Howard (3) Star Trek (6) Ted Cruz (3) The Jet Set (3) the Three Stooges (46) The Zombies (4) Unemployment (7) Veronica Lake (4) Who loves ya baby? (5) William Shatner (4) YouTube (3)
The comedy world lost one of the funniest men to ever grace the screen. He didn’t have to say a single word…once he walked into the shot, you felt like laughing, even if he didn’t do anything.
He was also one of the first “sploitation” actors–if you’ve heard the term “Fake Shemp,” this is what they mean. There were four films created with the Fake Shemp (Joe Palma), and since Jules White could direct and produce a film in a matter of HOURS with footage of Shemp from an old short, throw in some new footage of Moe and Larry, and voila! You’ve got a new film to fool theatre managers made for the fraction of the price of a new one! It’s win-win…until Moe and Larry (and even Harry Cohn) realized they couldn’t run the Shempsploitation Express forever…so along came EVERYONE’S favorite Stooge replacement, Joe Besser!
(I actually liked Besser–he was such a totally different comedian that you just went “WHAT?!” when you saw him with the rough and tumble Moe and Larry. No, I’m not giving up my Stooge card–I’ve had it since 1975!)
By DICK SIEGEL, NATIONAL ENQUIRER online editor Jan 22, 2015 @ 5:33AM
Femme fatal film icon VERONICA LAKE fell from Hollywood heights to waiting tables in a sleazy women’s only hotel before succumbing to the ravages of alcoholism and mental illness at only age 50.
Veronica Lake was born in Brooklyn, New York on November 14, 1922 as Constance Frances Marie Ockleman. Her father worked for an oil company as a ship employee and died in a tragic oil tanker explosion.
Her ethereal beauty, natural charm coupled with a talent for acting prompted her mother and tubercular step-father to move to Beverly Hills, California, where they enrolled her in the Bliss Hayden School of Acting in Hollywood.
Although Connie had been previously diagnosed as a classic schizophrenic her parents saw acting as a form of treatment for her condition. She soon found work as a bit player in several unremarkable pictures but “Sorority House” director John Farrow (Mia Farrow’s father) saw how her long flowing hair always covered her right eye, creating an hint of allure and mystery. While still a teenager, Farrow introduced her to Paramount producer Arthur Hornblow who promptly changed her name to Veronica Lake.
Veronica’s breakthrough film was “I Wanted Wings” in 1941, a major box office hit.
She then became Paramount’s top female star toplining such classics as “Sullivan’s Travels”, “This Gun for Hire”, The Glass Key”, “So Proudly We Hail” and “I Married A Witch”.
“She was a very gifted girl, but shedidn’t believe she was gifted,” director Rene Clair recalled.
Often paired with diminutive star Alan Ladd, the couple made seven films together. At first it was out of necessity as Ladd was just 5 feet five while Lake was 4 feet 11 inch but the pair had undeniable on-screen chemistry
For a short time during the early 1940s, Veronica was at the height of Hollywood stardom.
During World War Two, the rage for her peek-a-boo bangs became a hazard when women in the defense industry would get their hair caught in machinery. Lake was staged in a publicity picture in which she reacted painfully to her hair getting “caught” in a drill press illustrating her hazardous ‘do. Finally, Lake famously cut her hair and, sadly, her popularity diminished.
By the early 1950’s Lake’s career had hit the skids.
Still battling schizophrenia, and in a state of paranoia, she began drinking heavily. As her mental state deteriorated further, with two failed marriages, Veronica became manic-depressive as her self-destructive addiction to booze pushed her over the edge.
Soon, with no film career and little alimony after an IRS forced bankruptcy, Lake drifted between cheap hotels in New York City. She was arrested several times for public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.
In 1963, a reporter found her working as a barmaid/waitress while living at the seedy all-women’s $7-a-night Martha Washington Hotel in Manhattan. In the hotel bar, Lake was working under an alias — Connie De Toth (“House of Wax” director Andre DeToth had been her second hubby).
Lake had never revealed her true name to her co-workers nor customers although her boss Joe Rauji at the Colonnade Bar knew who she was. “She’s a good girl but she’s had a hard time,” he told a reporter.
Lake later toiled at other bars including Greenwich Village’s famed One Fifth getting a steady paycheck and a never ending stream of booze.
The widely circulated news reports of her plight led to some minor TV and film work but Lake soon made a financial comeback by penning her memoirs.
With the profits from her best selling tell-all, Lake co-produced and starred in her last film, “Flesh Feast” (1970), a micro-budget horror movie with a Nazi-myth storyline. It bombed.
After another failed marriage and brief sojourn in England, Lake returned home.
She was already “pretty far along” when she was admitted to the Fletcher Allen Hospital in Vermont, doctors said.
Finally, in the early morning hours of July 7, 1973, Veronica Lake died from hepatitis and acute renal failure — seemingly alone and forgotten at the age of 50.
That is, until the news broke, when suddenly EVERYONE remembered.
The 5 Worst Monsters of the 1970s Horror Film
via The 5 Worst Monsters of the 1970s Horror Film – Flashbak
May as well end the month on a “list.” This time, it’s the 5 worst monsters of the 1970s…in horror. It’s from the folks at Flashbak, so you know it’s good. Enjoy, and make sure you watch the best worst movie you can think of this weekend. It’s been a pretty fun ride, but if I ever do this again, I will try to talk myself out of it. Blogging is harder than I thought! 😉 But it was fun to add to my bad movie repertoire, and I may do it for the various Halloween blogathons that dot the interwebs. To quote one of the movies listed above, “Well…”
sixdegreesofstoogeration.wordpress.com 