If I Ever Wanted to Make a Dishonest Dollar…

If you have ever looked for a job, ever thought about looking for a job, or even had a dream about looking for a job, you’ve probably woken up with an inbox filled with “I CAN FIND YOU A JOB IMMEDIATELY MAKING 2000000$ AN HOUR, JUST CASH THIS ACTUAL CHECK AND THEN GO TO JAIL BECAUSE IT’S FAKE!!! HA HA HA HA!!!!!”

It probably looked something like this:

Makin’ It RAIN!!!!

From: tilobinti samuel jaranti <t.sjaranti@yahoo.com>
Sent: Saturday, May 14, 2022 4:41 PM
To: sucker@sucker.sucker.com
Subject: Equal possibility for Sucker J

Good day Sucker J! Home based job for USA Lawful Permanent Residents only!

I am an HR specialist and I have found your resume through recruiting agency.

We are searching for a commodity package handler for a part-time position with our company. Job responsibilities include review of contents of the packages that will be delivered to your home or office address. You will also need to write a product review on our dashboard and then ship the product to the destination.

No special knowledge is required to work on this position. You just need to be a attentive, honest and responsible person.

Monthly pay will be in the range of 4000 to 5000 USD.

If you are interested in this position, please let me know about that in your reply, I will email you the details.

a

And they want your money (or something) so badly that they didn’t even bother to finish the danged thing!

Here’s another, but this doesn’t have to do with a job…I don’t know what it has to deal with!


From: Dr.Selby Alan <quangns.ct@ninhbinh.gov.vn>
Sent: Friday, May 27, 2022 7:11 AM
Subject: Business Proposal

Dear Friend

I wish to introduce myself to you, I am Selby Alan Keith a British, also a contract staff of an offshore bank (The Lloyds Bank Plc) London office. I am the head of the Audit Department. I am pleased to get across to
you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal which I believe will profit the both of us after completion. I contacted you after a careful thought that you might be capable of handling this business transaction, which I will explain below. The sum of £35,500,000.00GBP (Thirty Five Million Five Hundred Thousand Great British Pound Sterling) is floating unclaimed in my bank as all efforts to get across to the relatives of our client who deposited the money have hit the stones. There is this client Mr. Roger Ian Wright a US businessman, founder of a Sao Paulo-based investment company. On the 22nd of May 2009, Mr. Roger Ian Wright, his wife and his two children all died in a King Air B350 plane crash seaside resort town of Trancoso, in the state of Bahia.

All attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless. My position here at my office requires me to investigate and provide the Next of Kin, I therefore made further investigations and discovered that Mr. Roger Ian Wright did not declare any next of kin or relation in all his official documents, including his bank deposit paperwork in my bank. According to the British Law the money will revert to the ownership of the British government after 10yrs if nobody applies to claim the fund. To prevent this from happening I have decided to seek your assistance to have you stand as his next of kin so that the said fund (£35.5 Million Great British Pounds), would be released in your name as the next of kin and paid into your account. All documents and proof that will have you claim this fund without stress will be forwarded to you upon your response to this mail.

I intend to share it 50% for you while 50% for me. I shall send you the details and necessary procedures with which to make the transfer to your bank account.

Should you be interested? Please send me your:

* Full names
* Private phone number
* Current residential address
* Occupation
* Age
* Sex.

Reach me via my e-mail ID: selbyalankth@gmail.com

Your immediate response will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,
Dr. Selby Alan Keith

It’s interesting that this has worked so well for so long…maybe I ought to get into this to get a new car!

1970s (4) 1970s films (3) 2016 presidential race (6) Adam West (3) applications (3) bad movies (4) b movies (8) careless words (5) Coleman Francis (3) Columbia Short Subjects (3) crazy (8) Donald Trump (8) experts (2) Flashbak (3) Flesh Feast (3) Floridasploitation (4) florissant valley community college (2) Foodimentary (3) Hagsploitation (3) Halloween (2) Hillary Clinton (4) If It's the Last Thing I Do! (3) If It's The Last Thing I Ever Do (3) job search (2) Larry Buchanan (3) Larry Fine (8) lottery (3) March Movie Madness & Mayhem (4) Moe Howard (10) Nazisploitation (3) networking (2) Powerball (3) searching for a job (2) st. louis (2) Star Trek (4) Ted Cruz (3) the power of positive thinking (2) the Three Stooges (32) The Zombies (2) Unemployment (6) Veronica Lake (4) Who loves ya baby? (4) William "One Shot" Beaudine (2) William Beaudine (2) Zsa Zsa Gabor (2)

Day 2 of Scams R Us! (aka There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute)

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs scrambled!

At least this time the job sound slightly more legitimate. Not much more, though.

We unemployed are such a huge market for scammers…it’s amazing!

Dear applicant,

Congratulations!!..Your Application/Resume for the job position of Front Desk Receptionist/Scheduler have been advertised online, received,reviewed on snagajobs.com and was forwarded to the head of operation (Mr Arrington Greenwood) He would be conducting an online interview with you to discuss the Job Details, Pay Scale, Benefits and company etc.

You are to set up a screen name with Yahoo Instant Messenger or Google Hangout and add up the company’s Hiring Manager’s ID to your buddy list, yahoo screen name(mrarrington.greenwood@yahoo.com) Or Google Hang Out ID (arrington.greenwood12@gmail.com) and instant message him for an online interview/briefing.

The schedule time for the interview/briefing exercise is (Wednesday/9/9/2015, 8:am-4:pm) You are to be available on Yahoo Messenger or Google Hangout by 8:am for the interview, Your swift and timely response matters to these position a lot as the job interview commence by 8:am. We look forward to having you on the team.

Please acknowledge this email.

Regards,
Hiring Department

So…It’s only been 5 months and 5 days?

Only 158 days?! That's unpossible!
Only 158 days?! That’s unpossible!

Yep. Five months and five days, with no end in sight. There’s got to be a way to find a job without having that large of a network.  Just about everyone I know is at my longest place of employment. There aren’t any jobs at said place. There aren’t any jobs at ANY place, and even the jobs that I was “promised” seems to have disappeared. (E-mails have bounced, and phone numbers/calls have gone unanswered.) You don’t have to tell ME twice!

Anyhoo, here’s to re-writing my resume (AGAIN!) and working on my interview skills! Hooray for me!

Hmmm…could this be a scam?

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs scrambled!

Hello,
We have today new vacancy of a Branch Assistant.
Employee must have: PC/laptop with Internet access; cell-phone; printer and permanent address.
This employment is a freelance home-based.
You will get payment up to 3,350 per month plus bonuses.
Your basic duties are:
– receive and send client’s purchases through the world through the different delivery services to specified address;
– correspond with manager via email, phone;
– stamping or labeling, and shipping packages or material;
– unpacking, confirming and making records of incoming and outgoing packages;
– take goods to proper shipping companies, such as UPS, USPS, FedEx etc.
To get more details, please reply us back. Your resume will be a plus for our company.
Kind regards!

You may now refer to me as Julia Rosenthal, Guru Extraordinaire…

female guru

Whilst reading my way through LinkedIn (as you do), I realized that merely absorbing all of this information wasn’t doing me any good.  Each and every article seemed to be about “finding your passion” or “the secret of finding your passion” or “how to find your passion in ten easy steps.” You get the idea.

Well, here’s my passion:

I love watching bad movies, laughing my head off, and reading blogs about bad movies and retro recipes.  Now, where’s my job?

The one thing I did during my enforced vacations is watch a hell of a lot of MST3K, Cinematic Titanic and RiffTrax (I also can’t forget the four films of The Film Crew!) and it goes without saying that I supplemented these with generous doses of the Three Stooges.

My point (and I DO have one!) is that reading self-help stuff via LinkedIn (especially with LinkedIn!) can really drive you crazy.

Take it slow!

NIAGARA FALLS!

Slowly I turn

“Good morning, this is Xyz at GimmeOurMoney, Inc.  We’re calling because you have an outstanding balance of $1200 for an EKG you had in November.”

“Yes, and as I explained in November, I could not and cannot now pay $1200.”

“Well, what do you make per month?”

“Nothing.”

“You don’t receive unemployment?”

“No.”

“So you have no income coming in?”

“No.”

“Do you qualify for Medicaid?”

“No.”

“But you don’t make any money!”

“Yes.”

“Have you tried to work something out with Los Arms Hospital?”

“Yes. I filled out paperwork to see if the bill could be decreased. It was $3000, now it’s $1200.  I stated that I couldn’t pay at the Billing Office in the hospital, and they stated that they’d send in paperwork to see if the amount could be forgiven. It wasn’t.”

“So you have no money coming in?”

“No.”

“How long have you been out of work?”

“Total? Nine months.”

“And you have NO money coming in?”

(Am I THAT hard to understand?  Is this yet someone else that thinks I’m from Germany, of all places?) “No, I have no money coming in.”

“So, we will need the entire amount paid today…”

“Wait–I told you I don’t have any money coming in, and any check I send you WILL bounce, and no, I don’t have any credit cards.” (I just knew she was going to ask me to charge it.)

“Well, we will have to turn it over to a collection agency…”

Ah, yes, the “NIAGARA FALLS” of anyone who’s looking for work–just say “collections,” and you see any possible employment float away…

“Whatever.”

“So, you’re paying?”

“Yes, but I can’t pay the whole amount!”

“Well, we can split it up into payments of $224.14 a month…”

“Do I have any choice?!”

“I’m sorry–”

“Whatever.  Checks are fine.”

(Five minutes later…)

“Now, is there something else you need, or-:

(PHONE SLAMS–I was on a landline.)

Was that the best way to deal with the situation? Of course not, but after said hospital said that they’d “work with me,” it made me wish that I’d never listened to doctors’ advice.  Hell, it’s been seven years since the last EKG–all I’ve had is a few dizzy spells, moments of confusion, a couple of seizures, and an almost life-threatening reaction to a beta blocker!  Pfft! Until I find a job with insurance (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) I shall do what the rest of my non-Obamacare, states that refuse to expand Medicaid brethren and sisteren do…

Wait until it’s really bad, then clog up the emergency rooms.

Have Gun? Have Rocket? Have Position? Will Travel!

Image

Whether it’s a quick drawing Richard Boone (Google that, kids!) or,

Image

a quickly made, high grossing comeback film, I suppose you could say that being a temp worker can be defined as “Have Position? Will Travel!”  It can give you a feeling of overwhelm, anxiety, joy, exhilaration, and a deep feeling of “Why didn’t I try this before?  What was I thinking?”

If you have held a position at a company for more than 10 years and suddenly find yourself on the outside looking in (aka: unemployed), temping could give you the shot in the confidence arm you so sorely need. (And trust me, you’ll need it!)

Degree of Stoogeration between Richard Boone and the Stooges?  Four.  One of the main writers for “Have Gun, Will Travel” was Gene Roddenberry of “Star Trek” fame.  The star of “Star Trek”? (One of many!) William Shatner.  Shortly before becoming Captain Kirk, Shatner had a starring role in an unsold TV pilot–“Alexander.” His co-star?  One Adam West, who starred in the Stooges’ Columbia swan song, 1965’s “The Outlaws IS Coming!”

Isn’t history fun?