If I Ever Wanted to Make a Dishonest Dollar…

If you have ever looked for a job, ever thought about looking for a job, or even had a dream about looking for a job, you’ve probably woken up with an inbox filled with “I CAN FIND YOU A JOB IMMEDIATELY MAKING 2000000$ AN HOUR, JUST CASH THIS ACTUAL CHECK AND THEN GO TO JAIL BECAUSE IT’S FAKE!!! HA HA HA HA!!!!!”

It probably looked something like this:

Makin’ It RAIN!!!!

From: tilobinti samuel jaranti <t.sjaranti@yahoo.com>
Sent: Saturday, May 14, 2022 4:41 PM
To: sucker@sucker.sucker.com
Subject: Equal possibility for Sucker J

Good day Sucker J! Home based job for USA Lawful Permanent Residents only!

I am an HR specialist and I have found your resume through recruiting agency.

We are searching for a commodity package handler for a part-time position with our company. Job responsibilities include review of contents of the packages that will be delivered to your home or office address. You will also need to write a product review on our dashboard and then ship the product to the destination.

No special knowledge is required to work on this position. You just need to be a attentive, honest and responsible person.

Monthly pay will be in the range of 4000 to 5000 USD.

If you are interested in this position, please let me know about that in your reply, I will email you the details.

a

And they want your money (or something) so badly that they didn’t even bother to finish the danged thing!

Here’s another, but this doesn’t have to do with a job…I don’t know what it has to deal with!


From: Dr.Selby Alan <quangns.ct@ninhbinh.gov.vn>
Sent: Friday, May 27, 2022 7:11 AM
Subject: Business Proposal

Dear Friend

I wish to introduce myself to you, I am Selby Alan Keith a British, also a contract staff of an offshore bank (The Lloyds Bank Plc) London office. I am the head of the Audit Department. I am pleased to get across to
you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal which I believe will profit the both of us after completion. I contacted you after a careful thought that you might be capable of handling this business transaction, which I will explain below. The sum of £35,500,000.00GBP (Thirty Five Million Five Hundred Thousand Great British Pound Sterling) is floating unclaimed in my bank as all efforts to get across to the relatives of our client who deposited the money have hit the stones. There is this client Mr. Roger Ian Wright a US businessman, founder of a Sao Paulo-based investment company. On the 22nd of May 2009, Mr. Roger Ian Wright, his wife and his two children all died in a King Air B350 plane crash seaside resort town of Trancoso, in the state of Bahia.

All attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless. My position here at my office requires me to investigate and provide the Next of Kin, I therefore made further investigations and discovered that Mr. Roger Ian Wright did not declare any next of kin or relation in all his official documents, including his bank deposit paperwork in my bank. According to the British Law the money will revert to the ownership of the British government after 10yrs if nobody applies to claim the fund. To prevent this from happening I have decided to seek your assistance to have you stand as his next of kin so that the said fund (£35.5 Million Great British Pounds), would be released in your name as the next of kin and paid into your account. All documents and proof that will have you claim this fund without stress will be forwarded to you upon your response to this mail.

I intend to share it 50% for you while 50% for me. I shall send you the details and necessary procedures with which to make the transfer to your bank account.

Should you be interested? Please send me your:

* Full names
* Private phone number
* Current residential address
* Occupation
* Age
* Sex.

Reach me via my e-mail ID: selbyalankth@gmail.com

Your immediate response will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,
Dr. Selby Alan Keith

It’s interesting that this has worked so well for so long…maybe I ought to get into this to get a new car!

1970s (4) 1970s films (3) 2016 presidential race (6) Adam West (3) applications (3) bad movies (4) b movies (8) careless words (5) Coleman Francis (3) Columbia Short Subjects (3) crazy (8) Donald Trump (8) experts (2) Flashbak (3) Flesh Feast (3) Floridasploitation (4) florissant valley community college (2) Foodimentary (3) Hagsploitation (3) Halloween (2) Hillary Clinton (4) If It's the Last Thing I Do! (3) If It's The Last Thing I Ever Do (3) job search (2) Larry Buchanan (3) Larry Fine (8) lottery (3) March Movie Madness & Mayhem (4) Moe Howard (10) Nazisploitation (3) networking (2) Powerball (3) searching for a job (2) st. louis (2) Star Trek (4) Ted Cruz (3) the power of positive thinking (2) the Three Stooges (32) The Zombies (2) Unemployment (6) Veronica Lake (4) Who loves ya baby? (4) William "One Shot" Beaudine (2) William Beaudine (2) Zsa Zsa Gabor (2)

There are 228 days before the election, or, the number of days before I buy a TV.

It's an accurate depiction of politicians...
Pictured: ALL politicians

I have to get this off of my chest.

I am one of “those” people…well, almost.

You know the ones–the ones that are proud to say that they don’t watch TV.

(Innocent person trying to make conversation) “So, how’d you like the (insert TV related thing here)?”

(Smug TV-free person) “I haven’t watched TV in years! I still don’t know who shot JR!”

I’m definitely not that, and if I’m ever that smug about something other than the Three Stooges being the best comedy team evar, I deserve to have (insert something quirky and non dangerous here).

No, I’m not buying a TV because I’m in no mood to yell “GO TO HELL!!!113!” every time a political commercial comes on. I don’t care if you have a D, R, I, or Z behind your name, I don’t want to hear your ad. I already can’t tell y’all apart, so your dirty tricks won’t work.

Thankfully, we live in an age where you can watch terrible movies (The Giant Spider Invasion, anyone?) at any time, why would you put up with attack ads? Besides, we all know who’s the best candidate for president!

Fine For President!

Hmmm…could this be a scam?

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs scrambled!

Hello,
We have today new vacancy of a Branch Assistant.
Employee must have: PC/laptop with Internet access; cell-phone; printer and permanent address.
This employment is a freelance home-based.
You will get payment up to 3,350 per month plus bonuses.
Your basic duties are:
– receive and send client’s purchases through the world through the different delivery services to specified address;
– correspond with manager via email, phone;
– stamping or labeling, and shipping packages or material;
– unpacking, confirming and making records of incoming and outgoing packages;
– take goods to proper shipping companies, such as UPS, USPS, FedEx etc.
To get more details, please reply us back. Your resume will be a plus for our company.
Kind regards!

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Vincent Craine

Now, I don’t know about you, but I know that I’m going to download the billionaire formula and tell my bosses to stick it where the sun don’t shine! Who’s with me?

“Somebody’s crazy, and it’s not you!”

Image

When you’re looking for work, you’ve got to prepare yourself for insults to your intelligence.  Whether it’s four reminders of how to dress for an interview, the type of e-mail address to place on your resume (“No cute/joke/interesting addresses, please.”), to turns of (useless) phrases such as “Good luck,” “Best wishes,” and “Good luck with your job search.”  YOU’RE UNEMPLOYED! I THINK GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES HAVE GONE THE WAY OF YOUR JOB…THERE’S NO GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES!!!!!

Ahem, now that that’s out of the way…

I woke up this morning to insults–open an e-mail (from the ever popular Careerealism) that states I should cut down on my spending now that I’m unemployed.

No! (shocked voice)

I had no idea I should cut down on ANYTHING whilst looking for work.  And here I was, planning to catch the bus to head down to the Career Center.  Well, now I know I should WALK those 8 miles.  I would buy a bike, but I can’t buy anything, being unemployed and all.  I should also cut out any creature comforts, such as that gym membership, those Sennheiser headphones (the $1,000 pair I had my eye on), that Technics turntable (a mere $600!) and a plasma TV.

(Excuse me while I roll my eyes.)

Far be it for me to assume anything (we know where that’ll get you!) but I would like to think that if you’re unemployed and making significantly less money, you might just do these things already.  I don’t know–apparently people like spending money they don’t have during times of economic “recovery.”

Look, people feel crappy enough looking for work, and insulting their intelligence is not going to help.  If anything, they’ll spend MORE (as in more for alcohol, etc., to drown their sorrows).  Don’t insult the unemployed/underemployed–we feel crappy enough as it is.