Loose Lips Sink Ships (and Employment!)

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Today begins my 2.5 (or so) month anniversary at my super-secret assignment. Before November 30, I had gone through roughly 8 months of unemployment (er, being between between engagements), largely due to a “joke” I made to someone during an assignment I’d gotten in April (only a week and a half after the ASSIGNMENT FROM HELL!!!!111!)

She asked what me what my plans were, where I’d applied, what I want to do with the rest of my life (she also made a crack about “Don’t you want a real job, instead of temping? No, of course not! I just LOOOOOOVE the extra special feeling of uncertainty that temping can bring, so thanks for asking!) I stated that I’d taken my civil service exams three years in a row (90, 94, and 95 so far!), but I was waiting to hear back about any possible interviews (make note of that word…interviews. You don’t get job offers, you get job interview offers). Anyhoo, I make the “joke,” and since we were the only two people in the whole room, I feel safe in assuming that she was the one that blabbed to the manager, and of course, I was called in and questioned about it. I stated that no, I had no offers from anyone, no interviews, no prospects, no nothing. She didn’t believe me, and of course, she had a conference to go to in the Catskills, Ozarks, Brokeback Mountains, whatever, so I didn’t get a chance to speak my peace.

Of course, I received a call from the recruiter, asking me what I’d said. Again, I simply told her I’d made a joke about the slowness of the Civil Service and how you’re placed on a waiting list just for the possibility even getting an interview. The recruiter stated that it’d be best to keep my cards close to my vest (hell, I didn’t have any cards, nor did I have a vest) but I feel that I must thank you, yes, you, Ms. Meghan Vault, from the bottom of my apparently job-filled heart for extending my unemployment (er, between engagements) FOR EIGHT OF THE WORST MONTHS THAT I HAVE EVER, AND I MEAN EVER, EXPERIENCED! Worse than pneumonia. They were worse than the flu. They were worse than double pneumonia. They were worse than the time I was on Toprol XL and it gave me seizures. It was worse than the time I was on Benicar and was feverish, achy, and nauseous for the last two semesters of that job in my other life. In short, Ms. Vault, loose lips sink ships. Or in my case, sink employment. I know that you probably won’t read this unless you Google your name, but I cannot let this go any longer—getting it out on the page makes me feel a little better. (It’s similar to when a huge SUV is suddenly bearing down upon you as the driver’s looking down at a phone and stuffing his mouth with fries. Honking the horn does little good, but it makes you feel better.)

I’m not Nixon, so you’re not on my “Enemies List.” Just make sure that when a co-worker tells you something, don’t go blabbing it to all and sundry before you get your facts straight, okay?

Thanks!

what if you don’t have a passion?

Apparently networking's like dating, I guess...
Apparently networking’s like dating, I guess…

The “w” is in lower case due to the lack of passion.

Tomorrow, I shall go to another meeting of the Networking Job Club (that’s what I’m calling it) in order to network, help others, and just DO something because looking for work via temp agencies, job boards, etc., IS NOT WORKING. What with all this stuff about hidden jobs, I don’t stand a chance if I don’t network!

So tomorrow morning, I’ll be lying back thinking of England (Hertsfordshire!)

Networking for Introverts (or, How I’m Learning to Lie Back and Think of England…)

Well, think of Hertsfordshire, anyway...
Well, think of Hertsfordshire, anyway…

When it comes to networking, we seem to throw common sense into the wind. Instead of finding a way to make it work for us, “experts” claim that you should do it because you have to.

Let me tell you, the average person won’t cut out craptastic eating habits, stop drinking, or anything else that COULD POSSIBLY SAVE THEIR LIVES, much less network, so maybe you need to come up with a better plan.

Think of it this way–if someone you knew came to you and said that they were changing the very way they are because of someone else (someone they were dating, perhaps) what would you do?  You’d probably say that they don’t need to change wholesale because of someone else. If they didn’t like the person as they were, then they don’t deserve them.

So why isn’t that the case with networking? We know that there’s apparently (apparently…)  a “hidden job market” with gazillions of jobs out there just waiting for you…but only if you learn to network properly. The more you read, the more you retreat into your hermit’s cave of introversion.

But all is not lost! Join me in the coming weeks (ugh…weeks…) as I navigate my way through the world of Introverted Networking (patent pending)!

Now, I’m not saying this is a scam…

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs & Spam scrambled!
I've edited NOTHING. All of the grammar mistakes and weird formatting is in the original.

Good Day,
 
Profitable job place in enjoyable work atmosphere is open at this time in our
Company. We recruit people to occupy this place with basic salary of $4,200  per
month.
We also stimulate our stuff with various bonuses, Medical and Dental packages
and free trips.
 
On this post your basic duties will be connected to our customers support.
Your Role: assist and control various client's tasks, carry out invoicing,
provide the best customer service to existing and our potential consumers.
Location: USA;
NO relocation essential.
 
Totally you must have for this post:
- good social experience;
- have a grip on email, excel;
- client care experience is a plus;
-  be of full legal age;
- no criminal records.
 
For more information about our employment place, please reply to my email
 
Please respond with your resume if you have it. It would be a great plus for HR
Department consideration.
Thank you for attention,
HR Dep.

You just can't make this crap up!

Day 2 of Scams R Us! (aka There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute)

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs scrambled!

At least this time the job sound slightly more legitimate. Not much more, though.

We unemployed are such a huge market for scammers…it’s amazing!

Dear applicant,

Congratulations!!..Your Application/Resume for the job position of Front Desk Receptionist/Scheduler have been advertised online, received,reviewed on snagajobs.com and was forwarded to the head of operation (Mr Arrington Greenwood) He would be conducting an online interview with you to discuss the Job Details, Pay Scale, Benefits and company etc.

You are to set up a screen name with Yahoo Instant Messenger or Google Hangout and add up the company’s Hiring Manager’s ID to your buddy list, yahoo screen name(mrarrington.greenwood@yahoo.com) Or Google Hang Out ID (arrington.greenwood12@gmail.com) and instant message him for an online interview/briefing.

The schedule time for the interview/briefing exercise is (Wednesday/9/9/2015, 8:am-4:pm) You are to be available on Yahoo Messenger or Google Hangout by 8:am for the interview, Your swift and timely response matters to these position a lot as the job interview commence by 8:am. We look forward to having you on the team.

Please acknowledge this email.

Regards,
Hiring Department

So…It’s only been 5 months and 5 days?

Only 158 days?! That's unpossible!
Only 158 days?! That’s unpossible!

Yep. Five months and five days, with no end in sight. There’s got to be a way to find a job without having that large of a network.  Just about everyone I know is at my longest place of employment. There aren’t any jobs at said place. There aren’t any jobs at ANY place, and even the jobs that I was “promised” seems to have disappeared. (E-mails have bounced, and phone numbers/calls have gone unanswered.) You don’t have to tell ME twice!

Anyhoo, here’s to re-writing my resume (AGAIN!) and working on my interview skills! Hooray for me!