“The Long National Nightmare Is Over…”

If Only This Were True...

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Now, I’m not saying this is a scam…

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs & Spam scrambled!
I've edited NOTHING. All of the grammar mistakes and weird formatting is in the original.

Good Day,
 
Profitable job place in enjoyable work atmosphere is open at this time in our
Company. We recruit people to occupy this place with basic salary of $4,200  per
month.
We also stimulate our stuff with various bonuses, Medical and Dental packages
and free trips.
 
On this post your basic duties will be connected to our customers support.
Your Role: assist and control various client's tasks, carry out invoicing,
provide the best customer service to existing and our potential consumers.
Location: USA;
NO relocation essential.
 
Totally you must have for this post:
- good social experience;
- have a grip on email, excel;
- client care experience is a plus;
-  be of full legal age;
- no criminal records.
 
For more information about our employment place, please reply to my email
 
Please respond with your resume if you have it. It would be a great plus for HR
Department consideration.
Thank you for attention,
HR Dep.

You just can't make this crap up!

Day 2 of Scams R Us! (aka There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute)

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs scrambled!

At least this time the job sound slightly more legitimate. Not much more, though.

We unemployed are such a huge market for scammers…it’s amazing!

Dear applicant,

Congratulations!!..Your Application/Resume for the job position of Front Desk Receptionist/Scheduler have been advertised online, received,reviewed on snagajobs.com and was forwarded to the head of operation (Mr Arrington Greenwood) He would be conducting an online interview with you to discuss the Job Details, Pay Scale, Benefits and company etc.

You are to set up a screen name with Yahoo Instant Messenger or Google Hangout and add up the company’s Hiring Manager’s ID to your buddy list, yahoo screen name(mrarrington.greenwood@yahoo.com) Or Google Hang Out ID (arrington.greenwood12@gmail.com) and instant message him for an online interview/briefing.

The schedule time for the interview/briefing exercise is (Wednesday/9/9/2015, 8:am-4:pm) You are to be available on Yahoo Messenger or Google Hangout by 8:am for the interview, Your swift and timely response matters to these position a lot as the job interview commence by 8:am. We look forward to having you on the team.

Please acknowledge this email.

Regards,
Hiring Department

So…It’s only been 5 months and 5 days?

Only 158 days?! That's unpossible!
Only 158 days?! That’s unpossible!

Yep. Five months and five days, with no end in sight. There’s got to be a way to find a job without having that large of a network.  Just about everyone I know is at my longest place of employment. There aren’t any jobs at said place. There aren’t any jobs at ANY place, and even the jobs that I was “promised” seems to have disappeared. (E-mails have bounced, and phone numbers/calls have gone unanswered.) You don’t have to tell ME twice!

Anyhoo, here’s to re-writing my resume (AGAIN!) and working on my interview skills! Hooray for me!

Hmmm…could this be a scam?

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs scrambled!

Hello,
We have today new vacancy of a Branch Assistant.
Employee must have: PC/laptop with Internet access; cell-phone; printer and permanent address.
This employment is a freelance home-based.
You will get payment up to 3,350 per month plus bonuses.
Your basic duties are:
– receive and send client’s purchases through the world through the different delivery services to specified address;
– correspond with manager via email, phone;
– stamping or labeling, and shipping packages or material;
– unpacking, confirming and making records of incoming and outgoing packages;
– take goods to proper shipping companies, such as UPS, USPS, FedEx etc.
To get more details, please reply us back. Your resume will be a plus for our company.
Kind regards!

You may now refer to me as Julia Rosenthal, Guru Extraordinaire…

female guru

Whilst reading my way through LinkedIn (as you do), I realized that merely absorbing all of this information wasn’t doing me any good.  Each and every article seemed to be about “finding your passion” or “the secret of finding your passion” or “how to find your passion in ten easy steps.” You get the idea.

Well, here’s my passion:

I love watching bad movies, laughing my head off, and reading blogs about bad movies and retro recipes.  Now, where’s my job?

The one thing I did during my enforced vacations is watch a hell of a lot of MST3K, Cinematic Titanic and RiffTrax (I also can’t forget the four films of The Film Crew!) and it goes without saying that I supplemented these with generous doses of the Three Stooges.

My point (and I DO have one!) is that reading self-help stuff via LinkedIn (especially with LinkedIn!) can really drive you crazy.

Take it slow!