Welp, it’s time to come up with another movie to review…

As I was perusing all the other websites trying to come up with something for the next review (i.e. “borrowing ideas from more talented people than I”), I couldn’t help but notice that I need to come up with a REASON to write. If left to my own devices, I would be the Whitman’s Sampler of Bad Movie Blogs…wait, the Russell Stover of Bad Movie Blogs…uh, the whatever’s the best of that type of cheapo chocolate candy sampler thing desperate folks give significant others for V Day.

What with all the AI goodies they have nowadays, you’d think that I could whip out something in the style of (insert best blogs here…I’ve GOT to learn how to put a blog roll somewhere in here…do they still call them that? I’ve been old since 2005–an uber serious bout of heart failure/pneumonia will do that to you. I should’ve kept my Xanga Journal Chronicles of THAT whole mishegas!)

I should’ve known something was wrong–I wanted to wait until my 30th birthday…THEN I wanted to wait until my parents celebrated their anniversary on 7 December (yep…the anniversary of Pearl Harbor as well!) So, I waited until 8 December…but there was a goddamned snow and ice storm! Being the epitome of cheap, I claimed to my mother that I was going to WALK to the goddamned bus stop (icy roads/sidewalks/and downhill almost all the way!) Why pay $15 for a cab ride when I could pay $0 by using my college/staff pass? WIN-WIN!!!!

Of course, my mother merely chalked this up to the fact that I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since Thanksgiving; hadn’t eaten more than 800 calories per day since Satan knows when…and I was beginning to hallucinate. These weren’t those hallucinations where you think you see something in the corner of your eye…these were the type where you’d be having an extended conversation asking Larry Fine what it was like to pal around with Clint Eastwood, Edward G. Robinson, Phyllis Diller, Redd Foxx, Edy Williams (and also was Harry Cohn as big a putz as everyone said he was, and how he [Larry] felt about Moe’s son in law, Norman Maurer thinking he was the best actor and funniest comedian of all the Stooges…mind you, he was son in law to Moe and nephew in law to Shemp and Curly!)

It was around this time (with plenty of recovery time on my hands, when I started on my blogging of terrible movies. I came by this via my parents–the late 1970s and early 80s was a world where you had to watch SOMETHING after Wrestling at the Chase (we’ll forget what came on before that…Jerry Damn Falwell), boring talk shows, church crap on radio, OR, whatever terrible movies they were playing on KPLR-TV (Channel 11). But this was thirty years later, so I had South Park to help me along. Did I start my video collection of “Laughter is the Best Medicine” at this time, supplementing my aging Three Stooges videos that were peppered with commercials for The Waterbed Store (it looks like we see the end screen of a Shemp or Joe era short…and this was when it was still on those same reels from 1958), Becky (Queen of Carpet) and Wanda (Princess of Tile) along with a special surprise guest, one Mr. Steve Mizerany! Fantasy Jim Coachworks (whose commercials probably featured at least ONE someone I was familiar with); and later in the 90s, terrible, poorly acted, and out and out scams of “hot girls” you could talk to by calling “1-900-GIRL! Pick up the phone! Pick up the phone!” (This is a reasonable facsimilie thereof…)

That was a VERY convoluted way to tell you that 1: I need to find “new” terrible movies to review and 2: I need to figure out how to do a damn blogroll (or whatever they call that on WordPress.) This is also a convoluted way to tell you that sometimes I prefer watching/reading OTHER people review movies than do the “dirty work” myself. I mean, come on–that’s how I get my material for the few movies I do write about. How else would I have written about Savage Intruder (which has a degree of Stoogeration–Joe Besser as the tour bus driver).

Yes, this was a long-winded diatribe about my attempt to do a March Mayhem and Madness Blogathon where each and every obscure film will either be from the 1970s and have at least one degree of Stoogeration, or will be just a terrible junky exploitationer…with a degree of Stoogeration. I’ve got a little over two weeks to get some ideas together, so let’s hope I come up with something or other…

Horrorwe’en Day 18: (or, Why This List Sucks and Not Just Because the Three Stooges Are On It)

Welcome to one of my laziest posts of the season…which is fitting because this is one of the laziest subjects/videos I’ve seen in a WHILE (and I’ve been watching AI-created videos that sound everything out phonetically!) How is it lazy? Let me count the ways…

1. W(hy)TF is everything in the public domain? If everything isn’t, I’m lazy, so I’m not gonna look.
2. How are the Three Stooges on this list for a movie directed by EDWARD BERNDS?!?!? Pretty sure that film should be by one David Lowell Rich (Have Rocket, Will Travel). But to be fair, none of their movies should make it to this list. I’m not saying this as an uberfan, I’m saying this as a fan of olde-tymey slapstick teams. I wouldn’t place Utopia (Laurel and Hardy) here either (The Big Noise? Nope, not even that!)
3. Give me information that I DON’T know, not something you probably got from Kenneth Anger or his non-union Mexican equivalent.
4. Does the word “worst” even count anymore? Why is it “the worst?” Bad acting, boring, what? I can’t even think about a $3 budgeted movie as “worst” when there are movies that cost 500 times that much that stink to high heaven.
5. The more time I think about the term “worst,” the more annoyed I become–maybe it’s because of the Medveds and their “Ed Wood’s the worst director EVAR!” trope–if anything, Wood could be a bit BORING. When I think “bad,” I want hilariously bad (see any of Rudy Ray Moore’s films…except Vampire Assassin).

Anyhoo–this is a lazy post for a lazy video. Enjoy!

Horrorwe’en, Day 3: Must-Visit Scary B-Movie Websites

Are you a fan of the horror genre? Do you have a soft spot for those delightfully cheesy B-movies that give you goosebumps and thrills? If you answered yes, then this blog post is tailor-made for you! In this digital age, the internet offers a treasure trove of websites dedicated to all things scary and B-movie. So, put on your bravest face, dim the lights, and get ready to dive into the surreal world of scary B-movie websites!

1. Bloody Disgusting (www.bloody-disgusting.com):

Bloody Disgusting is a horror-focused website that covers everything from major film releases to hidden B-movie gems. Their extensive catalog of articles, reviews, and news delivers all the latest scary movie updates to your screen. With a strong community of horror enthusiasts, the website invites you to join the conversation and discover new terrifying experiences.

2. Horror Society (www.horrorsociety.com):

For those seeking their dose of B-movie magic, Horror Society is an ideal haunt. With an extensive collection of independent horror films, the website showcases overlooked gems that are sure to delight scary movie enthusiasts. Be it slasher flicks, supernatural tales, or creature features, Horror Society has got you covered.

3. DREAD Central (www.dreadcentral.com):

DREAD Central is one of the most comprehensive websites for horror and B-movie lovers. From classic horror films to contemporary indie projects, this platform offers a diverse range of content. With news, reviews, interviews, and exclusive features, DREAD Central is a one-stop-shop for anyone passionate about the genre.

4. Grindhouse Database (www.grindhousedatabase.com):

Immerse yourself in the world of exploitation and grindhouse cinema by visiting Grindhouse Database. This website is dedicated to celebrating the grittier side of horror filmmaking. Dig up hidden gems, read about bizarre plotlines, and get lost in the fascinating history of these subversive films.

5. Horror Movie Freaks (www.horror-movie-freaks.com):

Horror Movie Freaks provides a unique blend of horror news, reviews, and interviews from the perspective of real horror fans. With a team passionate about the genre, this website is an excellent resource for discovering lesser-known B-movies that deserve attention.

Scary B-movies have a dedicated following, and thanks to the internet, fans can now explore a plethora of websites catering to their dark desires. From mainstream horror to underground cult classics, these websites offer a seemingly endless choice of spine-tingling experiences. So, the next time you’re in the mood for a hair-raising adventure, head to these must-visit sites and embrace the thrilling world of scary B-movies!

OTD in 1993…(and the Man Who Would Be Stooge…)

As I have mentioned many times before, I recall hearing the news that Joe DeRita had died during a commercial break (while watching the Stooges, ironically enough)! I still don’t get the hate folks aim his way–I imagine I wouldn’t feel that great knowing that I was going to be renamed Curly-Joe; but I don’t think he “hated” the Stooges, he just didn’t like their style of comedy–and I can agree to disagree with him about it. Remember, this was a man who had had a career waaaay before he became a Stooge, so it was not like they got Joe Blow from Kokomo to be the Third Stooge. He had a name (in burlesque, no less), and being a “replacement” just because you were short, and fat (like the most popular stooge) would kinda suck. What did not suck, however, was the fact that Larry wanted him as a FULL partner, not just an “employee,” meaning he would get the same salary, the same benefits, the same everything. Now, whoever was the person who wanted him first (the story goes Larry saw him in Vegas and called him a “combination of Curly, Lou Costello, and the fat lady in the opera.”) However, in Moe’s autobiography, he had wanted him even after Shemp died (and wanted to buy out his contract with Minsky–look that one up, kids!) but of course, Columbia wanted whomever they still had under contract (even though they DID have DeRita under contract…once upon a time.)

Things were going like gangbusters until the late 1960s, with the kids from the 1950s growing into teens who probably wanted to go on to someone hipper… (uh, Tiny Tim?) their popularity was waning, and they decided to semi-retire, but not without their infamous swan song, Kook’s Tour. Now, when Tour was first thought of, it was 1965 and it was supposed to be a world tour by a trio of kooks. In 1970, ain’t nobody got time for gallivanting around the world and whatnot. Instead, they chose to stay closer to home…and go fishing… (insert some fans’ yawning sfx here).

What I’m NOT going to do is go into all the reasons why Kook’s Tour is supposedly the worst (or best) thing since sliced bread, but I will tell you that if another film they were set to do had been their actual swan song, I don’t even know how to describe all the feelings I’d have about it. Let me put it this way: if you are a fan of “so bad it’s good” films, then you know who Al Adamson and Sam Sherman are. As the story goes, Sherman and Adamson wanted to make a western spoof with olde-timey comedians they were fans of…and of course, the first team that came to mind was the Three Stooges. But there was a problem…by late 1974, there were only two Stooges, Moe and Curly-Joe. By the time rehearsals began in March, Larry had already been dead for over a month. So, what to do for the necessary Second Stooge?

Have no fear, Emil Sitka is here! He had been in Stooge films since the Curly era, was one of only two actors that had performed with ALL the different sets of Stooges (the other was “Tiny” Brauer), so there would be no need for lengthy rehearsals. As Sitka himself remembers it, “If Moe were here right now, he’d say we could create a scene right now” (paraphrased).

Proof that the fellows COULD make a scene out of pretty much anything!

Unfortunately, The Jet Set (later called Blazing Stewardesses) was not to be. As the rehearsals progressed, Moe became weaker and weaker due to lung (or stomach) cancer and passed away on 4 May 1975. Apparently, Adamson and Sherman didn’t want the Two Stooges, so guess what they came up with?

The damn TWO Ritz Brothers! What was the difference between having two of one trio or two of another? Hell, if that’s the case, they could’ve dragged out Groucho and Zeppo if we want to have former trios that are now duos.

Okay, granted, there weren’t that many olde-timey comedy teams still around that could work with little rehearsal, hit their marks, and not cause the film to go over budget. So, if you want to see what could’ve been the Stooges’ last film, you can watch it over on the YouTubes,

Sorry, but “Plan 9 From Outer Space” is NOT “The World’s Worst Movie.”

via 10 Out-of-This-World Facts About ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’ | Mental Floss

Just in time for the long holiday weekend, let’s have a look at the movies that may populate your Memorial Day Movie Marathon! And no, Ed Wood is NOT the world’s worst director, unless you’ve conveniently forgotten Al Adamson, Ulli Lommel, Coleman Francis, Neil Breen, and Larry Buchanan.

Drive-In Movie Madness: Vintage Ads & Marquees via Flashbak

via Drive-In Theater Memories: Vintage Ads & Marquees – Flashbak

Remember the “good old days” at the drive-in? Yeah, me neither. Apparently, I’ve BEEN to one, but was too young to remember. That would’ve been 1976, so the tail end of the blaxploitation era and the time before home video would make drive-ins moot. Enjoy the memories (or not!) from Flashbak!

March Madness & Movie Mayhem, Day 27 (or, How Ed Wood Isn’t the World’s Worst Director)

 

via Ed Wood: Not Actually The Worst Director in History | Den of Geek

How did Ed Wood get the title of “World’s Worst Director?”  (Then again, we’d also have to ask how William “One Shot” Beaudine was at least the runner-up, even though he was once a highly regarded director.) Of course, we can put most of the blame on the doorstep of the Medveds, who deemed Ed “the worst” with their Golden Turkey tome. I can only imagine that they hadn’t seen very many movies from the period they were in, because NONE of the Dolomite movies made the cut, but Trouble Man did?! Why not just throw Super Fly and Shaft in there too, since we’re complaining about blaxploitation films with kick-ass soundtracks…

Anyhoo, where was I going with this? Oh, that Ed Wood wasn’t the world’s worst director–far from it. I can name at least THREE worse directors off the top of my head: Bill Rebane/Herschell Gordon Lewis (Monster-A-Go-Go/Terror at Half Day); Larry Buchanan (Zontar: The Thing From Venus); Coleman Francis (all three of his films); Doris Wishman (Double Agent 73, Let Me Die a Woman); Ted V. Mikels (The Girl in Gold Boots, The Doll Squad)…the list is literally endless!

I think the problem lies with Ed Wood’s films being better than “so bad they’re good.” There’s something about Wood’s films, even the cringetastic Orgy of the Dead and The Revenge of Dr. X that makes them watchable. You’re not yelling at the screen at the stupidity of the writing. (The CLUNKINESS, maybe, but not the stupidity!)

Anyhoo, take a look around the site and enjoy the Den of Geek!

 

 

March Movie Madness & Mayhem (Day 19?)

via AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A SCIENTIST! – Dracula Vs Frankenstein (1971)

We return to the wonderful And You Call Yourself A Scientist! to take a look at yet ANOTHER Frankenstein’s Monster…Al Adamson’s Dracula vs. Frankenstein. I’d bet $3 (half of the movie’s budget once they finished paying the actors) that this was patched together from even more movies than Adamson admitted. Of course, it began as a biker film, just as the gloriously theme songed “The Fakers.” That film had a theme song by Nelson “I worked with Sinatra” Riddle, but there was something a bit “off” about the lyrics. A little digging, and it turns out that my instinct was right–the music was Riddle’s, but the oddly off lyrics were pure Adamson (he may have had some help). My point–and I do have one–is that I’m fairly certain that this type of movie (the patched together remnants of at least 3 other films) couldn’t have gotten any play except in the 1970s (and earlier). Jules White did it with the Three Stooges, turning out “new” shorts in a matter of HOURS. Who’d notice that Creeps was almost exactly the same as The Ghost Talks? No one, that’s who. Little attention was being paid to short subjects, and the same goes for these types of movies for the drive-in circuit. Who was really paying much attention to what was going on? You were either necking, getting high, drinking, or getting high while necking and drinking.

Anyhoo, enjoy another fine review from And You Call Yourself a Scientist!