Now, I’m not saying this is a scam…

I'll take my eggs scrambled!
I’ll take my eggs & Spam scrambled!
I've edited NOTHING. All of the grammar mistakes and weird formatting is in the original.

Good Day,
 
Profitable job place in enjoyable work atmosphere is open at this time in our
Company. We recruit people to occupy this place with basic salary of $4,200  per
month.
We also stimulate our stuff with various bonuses, Medical and Dental packages
and free trips.
 
On this post your basic duties will be connected to our customers support.
Your Role: assist and control various client's tasks, carry out invoicing,
provide the best customer service to existing and our potential consumers.
Location: USA;
NO relocation essential.
 
Totally you must have for this post:
- good social experience;
- have a grip on email, excel;
- client care experience is a plus;
-  be of full legal age;
- no criminal records.
 
For more information about our employment place, please reply to my email
 
Please respond with your resume if you have it. It would be a great plus for HR
Department consideration.
Thank you for attention,
HR Dep.

You just can't make this crap up!

So…It’s only been 5 months and 5 days?

Only 158 days?! That's unpossible!
Only 158 days?! That’s unpossible!

Yep. Five months and five days, with no end in sight. There’s got to be a way to find a job without having that large of a network.  Just about everyone I know is at my longest place of employment. There aren’t any jobs at said place. There aren’t any jobs at ANY place, and even the jobs that I was “promised” seems to have disappeared. (E-mails have bounced, and phone numbers/calls have gone unanswered.) You don’t have to tell ME twice!

Anyhoo, here’s to re-writing my resume (AGAIN!) and working on my interview skills! Hooray for me!

Brother, Can You Spare a Job?

 

I have a riddle for you—or maybe it’s a question…whatever.

What’s the difference between a cover letter and standing on a corner begging for money?  Chances are, the person on the corner isn’t delusional enough to believe that they aren’t begging.  Can you say the same?

Call it what you want, but we’re basically BEGGING people to pay attention to us, to offer us a job, to at least let us get in the door so we can do our begging in person.  You can say that you want to WOW that employer all you want to, but it’s nothing more than begging for an employment bone.  It’s depressing as hell, but I can’t think of anything else to call it.  Your cover letter is basically an expensive begging letter.  You’re telling the employer that you’re so great, you’re the perfect person for the job.  Perhaps you are—but think about it from the employer’s or hiring manager’s point of view, or perhaps even your own.  Do you pay attention to salespeople who come on too strong?  Do you pay attention to the salespeople who swarm over you as soon as you enter the store and won’t let you take a breath?  Of course you don’t—so why do you think that this method will magically work when YOU do it?

I know, I know—it’s because YOU’RE so special, YOU’RE so great, and YOU can make this company (or whatever you’re applying for) into the greatest company ever!  When you think about it this way, it’s a wonder that ANYBODY ever becomes employed—or that you were able to impress anyone to even give you a job.

Reading various websites, sharpening up your LinkedIn profile, attending webinars, putting yourself out there…where has that gotten you?  Are you still sitting in front of your computer screen, wondering why you’ve applied to over 200 positions, and yet have only gone to 6 interviews?  Is there something inherently WRONG with the entire job search process?  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that yes, there is something rotten in Denmark, and that in order to get a job before your unemployment runs out, you’ll need to find out what it is.  Do I have any answers?  Pfft!  If I did, I’d have an actual job and wouldn’t be wasting my time cranking out this crap.  The End.