Welp, never let it be said that great minds don’t think alike (and weaken nations)! While perusing one of my favorite sites, I’d noticed an article I KNOW I’ve never read before, “The Three Stooges versus Zombies.” Now, whenever I hear the word “zombie,” I cannot help but think of the fab five from Hertsfordshire (also known as one of the more innovative British Invasion bands).
But how can I link my favorite comedy team to my favorite musical group? Let’s see,,,The Zombies were featured in a pretty damn good movie Bunny Lake Is Missing directed by one Otto Preminger. Their appearance consisted of a TV performance that was playing in a bar whilst Laurence Olivier (yeah, THAT guy) is trying to figure things out about the titular Bunny Lake and what the deal is between her mother and brother. (I may be a bit off on the details–I saw it on VIDEOTAPE! Why haven’t I come into the 21st century and Amazon Prime’d it?!)
So how can we connect The Zombies to The Three Stooges? (Besides the fact that The Zombies are still touring at the grand ages of 79-80! (I would’ve KILLED to have the Stooges last that long…I would’ve been around to see them on various talk shows, instead of begging my parents to recall what it was like to see them on the Ed Sullivan Show, the Steve Allen Show {one of those appearances was with none other than Lenny Bruce…the only way that could’ve made for a more mis-matched pairing would be if Richard Pryor dropped by.})
Okay…where was I? Who’s the best actor to use as a connection? We have Laurence Olivier, who was married to Vivien Leigh, who starred in Gone With the Wind, which also featured Academy Award winner Hattie McDaniel, who’s brother Sam McDaniel starred in Heavenly Daze (1947) as a butler that thought Shemp had risen from the dead and was haunting Moe and Larry due to the fact that they were going to scam investors with a fountain pen that writes under whipped cream (needless to say, it doesn’t work.)
Looks like I could connect Laurence Olivier to the Three Stooges at least! That makes me wonder how many ways I can connect John and David Carradine to the Stooges…I’m thinking it’s pretty damned easy!
Today is the day I consider to be the end of the Three Stooges, and here’s why:
In He Stooged to Conquer (aka Moe Howard and the Three Stooges), Moe stated that he was not ready to retire on that fateful day in January—to be fair, they were right in the middle of a film. What was interesting about this was that Howard himself stated in 1965 that the Stooges probably had about five more years in them, then they’d retire. Did he just say as a sort of a flip answer to a question he’d probably been asked since the 1950s, or did he really think that their time was nearing an end? Compare that with another quote of his, “Forever’s a long time, but with a little luck, we just might make it.”
I saw it as a little of both—considering they’d all been performing since they were LITERALLY CHILDREN, it was in their blood to keep on going. Sure, traveling took a toll during the early days, but by the late 1960s, they could jet around the world on PanAm or (a sponsor for the infamous Kook’s Tour) TWA…and speaking of Kook’s Tour, the whole idea of the show (it was supposed to be a TV show that they first made plans for in 1965). However, by 1970, the plans for round-the-world travel to exotic locations had been scaled down to…fishing, boating, and general retirement activities.
I’ve mentioned the home movie aspect of the film before—it definitely looks and feels like a home movie (but not the kind you’d wish someone would shut off). It’s just a bit…off. I haven’t seen it in at least 15 years (I bought it on VHS, so it’s probably longer than that), but I do remember liking it and being a bit surprised at how spry Larry (of all people) was—he even delivered a couple of pratfalls chasing Moose (director Norman Maurer’s Lab). I also couldn’t help but be surprised at how TINY all of them were—when they met fans, you noticed that they were maybe five and a half feet tall…if they had lifts in their shoes.
Now, where was I? Something something the future of the New New New New Three Stooges. If the twin tower of the team is no longer there, what do you do? At this point, do you really want to audition comedians? If you did, who was going to be a good fit? They had to be the right age (at least in their mid-to-late fifties), no more than five feet six inches tall, and willing to do slapstick. By 1970, there weren’t many (if any) comedians that were going to put up with that, especially since you didn’t know how long you’d have the job before Moe and Curly-Joe wanted to retire.
But there was one comedian that would fit those shoes (except being five foot six—he was probably closer to five seven)…one Emil Sitka, longtime foil to the Stooges since their days at Columbia (one of the only two men that worked with all three sets of Stooges—the other was Harold Brauer). Sitka could be brought in with very little (if any) rehearsal and since he was already known from his work with the Stooges, it would be rather easy to change his name (he was going to be “Harry,” Larry’s cousin.)
Now, the problem was finding a project that was worthy of the New New New New New New Three Stooges. There was a movie written by one of Moe’s grandsons entitled Make Mine Manila which would have taken the fellows over to the land of Marcos…the Philippines (ask the Zombies about the joys of touring in the Philippines and being “guests” that had to escape with suitcases full of money). Whether or not Moe had even heard of the Zombies’ adventures is unknown, but he definitely didn’t want to go there—but he also didn’t want to say that not only was the project was a bad idea, he also didn’t like the script. It was discussing among the three of them and Emil decided to be the “bad guy” and nix the idea. According to The Three Stooges Scrapbook, everyone was shocked at his “star turn,” wanting a limo and maybe not even being available.
And this is where things take a strange turn. According to Joan Howard Maurer, she knew why Emil said what he said and agreed with him. However, Jeff and Greg Lenburg (the other authors of Scrapbook) took that story and ran with it…as if it were true. While Joan wanted the truth told about why they turned down the film, she was overruled, and I’m fairly certain that Sitka never really forgave her for that. Interestingly, I was told a similar version of the story by some older gentleman that hung out at Waldenbooks back in the day (hey, it was 1982 and while my parents shopped next door at JC Penney, I made my home at the bookstore…it was a different time!) He may have worked at KPLR-TV back in the day, or maybe one of the radio stations—he knew the Stooges well enough to regale me with stories that weren’t outrageous enough to be lies, but weren’t boring enough to be from a book or something that had been learned third or fourth hand.
Make Mine Manila was supposed to get off the ground in 1971, but crashed and burned before it even started. However, this lack of work made me wonder—were there dates that they were contractually unable to fulfill after Larry’s stroke, and if so, where were they? I always said that if I’d won the lottery, that would be one of the things I’d research—what did the Stooges do between 1970 and 1975? I find it hard to believe that ALL their dates dried up in January 1970, but for such a recent era, there certainly doesn’t seem to be much information out there…if there are any superfans out there that can lead me in the right direction, please do! I’ve scanned Los Angeles and Boston newspapers from 1969-1976—Moe mentioned in He Stooged to Conquer/Moe Howard and the Three Stooges that the New (to the 5th power) Stooges DeRita, Garner and Mitchell) had opened in Boston “but would’ve made better seltzer because they fizzled just as fast.” Compare that to DeRita’s version: “We did okay. We were even getting a few solid laughs.”
One thing I found odd, even in 1982 when I first read Moe Howard and the Three Stooges, was the fact that even I knew some of the dates were off. I knew that Kook’s Tour had barely limped into 1970, much less the relatively late date of 1971 (it was rather exciting that there was an “unknown” Stooge film out there from the recent past!) I wonder how I would’ve reacted if I’d have seen it in 1982 rather than 1999 or 2000—the fact that it wouldn’t have seemed as dated would’ve been a plus, but then again, the infamous Jet Set/Blazing Stewardesses mishegas looked more dated and that was from 1975!
I find it rather fitting that the Stooges couldn’t find a fitting project without Larry—yes, the DeRita/Garner/Miller version of the Stooges existed, and yes, the Howard/DeRita/Sitka version tried to get off the ground in April 1975, but none of them worked in the long run. Okay, The Jet Set didn’t work because Moe was dying of cancer, but they were rehearsing and ready to go. Stika recalled having his bags packed and was ready to go to the location, but received a call that Moe was too ill to continue. (The completed film, Blazing Stewardesses, was completed by TWO of the THREE Ritz Brothers!)
And that was how it ended—Larry died on 24 January 1975, and Moe died some three months later on 4 May 1975.
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