It’s Cinematic Turkey Time!

A male wild turkey (Meleagris gallopavo) strutting at Deer Island Open Space Preserve near Novato, Marin County, California

Yep…it’s that time of year. The time when everyone will be talking about those “worst movies of the year,” which in my case, never really change because every movie I watch is at least 30 years old.

This year may be a bit different–not because I’m going to be watching new bad movies, but because I’m wanting to find movies that were locally made–in my case, the St. Louis/Metro East/state of Missouri area. I’m not that far from Chicago, but there are way too many movies filmed there and the worst one I can think of, Psychotronic Man (or The Psychotronic Man) wasn’t THAT bad–even the Rifftrax folks couldn’t make it THAT terrible…it’s not good, of course, but it’s not mind-numbingly bad…like Delirium (1979), a notoriously bad film that uses St. Louis as a stand in for Vietnam! I always said that my backyard could look like the jungles of Vietnam, especially now, what with the fall colors and whatnot!

Anyhoo, I’m on the lookout for cinematic turkeys and will add them to my YouTube channel Six Degrees of Stoogeration…I hope!

Horrorwe’en Day 31: (or, a Bad Horrorwe’en Movie Roundup!)

I’ve decided to share links to my favorite Bad Movie sites and have chosen the worst of the worst for others to enjoy! So…enjoy!

From the good folks at Million Monkey Theater…

Vampire Over London (1952), starring Bela Lugosi and Arthur “Old Mother Riley” Lucan…

https://www.millionmonkeytheater.com/MotherRiley.html

Here’s yet ANOTHER list of “the worst horror movies of all time,” according to Rotten Tomatoes..

https://collider.com/worst-horror-movies-of-all-time-according-to-rotten-tomatoes/

While we’re on the list of “worsts,” why not get an opinion from an actual movie critic?

https://movieweb.com/most-hated-horror-movies-ebert/

No bad movie list can be complete without at least ONE entry from the “Big Four” (Wood, HGL, Ted V. Mikels, & Larry Buchanan), so here ya go!

The Big Kahuna, Ed Wood…(which is sort of unfair–this isn’t a movie, but a story, which was a film of the same title, but not a film of the story…

(From Dead 2 Rights–the BEST Ed Wood site out there, if I may say so myself!)

https://d2rights.blogspot.com/2019/01/ed-wood-extra-wanna-read-most-of-ed.html

Herschell Gordon Lewis…

https://every70smovie.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-gore-gore-girls-1972.html

A Ted V. Mikels Quintet!

Some Horror Films by Ted V. Mikels: A quintet of horrific trash

Good ol’ BORING Jerry Warren (with a side of John Carradine & Cameron Mitchell, of course!)

Frankenstein Island (1981)

Welp, that looks like the end of Horrorwe’en and we fittingly end on what Linda Thompson (songwriter and Elvis’s second-to-last serious girlfriend) called “a dull, shitty way for it to end.”

Enjoy!

Horrorwe’en, Day 31 (or, You Know What Day It Is!)

Horrorwe’en, Day 30 (or, Nazisploitation Had to Come In Somewhere…)

I know Nazisploitation is the almost literal bottom of the barrel, but sometimes (if done well), it could make you think (see You Nazty Spy, The Great Dictator, and The Nazty Nuisance for comical spoofs). However, in this case, the results are comical, yet I don’t think they were trying…Ugh…

Enjoy…I guess.

Horrorwe’en, Days 28 & 29 (or, Another Case of Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You SHOULD!)

Enjoy!

http://jabootu.net/?p=3252

Horrorwe’en, Day 27 (or, “Worst” is in the Eyes of the Beholder!)

If you’re a fan of Bad Movies, you’ll understand what I mean when I say the worst movies are in the eyes of the beholder. What they call worst, I call best, and when it comes to my favorite decade of EVERYTHING (the 1970s) you just have to shake your head and wonder what were they on when they made some of these films!

The Very Best ‘Bad’ Movies Of The 1970s

Horrorwe’en, Day 26 (or, John Carradine is in Every Movie Ever…)

https://millionmonkeytheater.com/Nocturna.html

Trailer for the 2,598th movie John Carradine appeared in…for the year…

If you want to watch the ENTIRE movie, click on the star’s face above–you’ll have a hell of a time (I’m not saying you’ll ENJOY it, but…it’s good in a “so bad it’s terrible” kind of way. Let me put it like this–it’s full of all the sheisse I like: John Carradine slumming it in yet ANOTHER movie (making this the WORST version of Dracula…wait, I take that back–HE’S good, the movie is LITERAL ASS), terrible disco, terrible 1970s music, fashion, filmmaking…just think of everything that’s terrible (yet good!) about the 1970s and it’s here. In fact, just read the review from the good folks at Million Monkey Theater (they’re far better at taking this bagatelle down than I) and while you’re there, read the “Days of Shitmas” reviews…you won’t be disappointed!

Horrorwe’en, Day 25 (or, Shooting the Rodeo Was Never So Obvious)

Film Review: The Giant Spider Invasion (1975)

There’s a term that the good folks at Red Letter Media use when a movie’s padded out by local doings: shooting the rodeo. The example they used was from Ray Dennis Steckler’s The Chooper (1970), where, to pad out a whopping 70-ish minute run time, we LITERALLY SEE A RODEO IN ACTION. Boy, howdy, is this riveting stuff!

The same motif finds itself in today’s heaping helping of Horrorwe’en, The Giant Spider Invasion, a glorious film in the greatest year EVER (1975). I don’t want to say that director Bill Rebane released his home movies to drive-in audiences to “enjoy,” but…this looks like a slightly better version of a home movie.

There are actors here: Barbara Hale (Perry Mason), Alan Hale (Gilligan’s Island), Steve Brodie (Frankenstein Island & The Wild Wild World of Batwoman), Leslie Parrish (Three on a Couch, Star Trek); and they do what they can with a script that was written at foodpoint (writer Robert “You’ve been in the BOOZE again!” Easton stated that Bill Rebane threatened him with starvation unless he completed a certain number of script pages–even locking him in a cabin!) but they can only do so much with the hand they’ve been dealt.

That said, it’s not a bad bad movie–because the day you can’t enjoy a homemade movie from the hills of Wisconsin, is a sad day indeed! Enjoy!

Horrorwe’en, Day 24 (or, Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should…Make a Sequel)

Film Review: Criminally Insane (1975)

Ah, Nick Millard/Nick Phillips/King of “Shot on Shitteo” (TM The Cinema Snob)…I’ve meant to watch this one for a loooooong time, and have added it to my Horrorwe’en Movie Marathon Extravagant Extravaganza 2023!!!! (More info upcoming!)

What can I tell you that a cursory glance around the internets can’t? It’s a terrible movie–but one of the most famous of Mr. Millard/Phillips magnum opi–it’s literally about a woman that wants to eat and takes care of the people that wants to stop her…by eating them! (SPOILERS for a movie that’s as old as I!)

If you’ve seen bits and pieces of any of Nick Millard’s films, you know that once videotape was available, it’s when he really started to “shine.” (“Shine” = TERRIBLE!) Anyhoo, look around the YouTube and see what Millard/Phillips has to offer.

Horrorwe’en, Days 21 & 22 (or, I’m a Lazy Blogger…)

https://www.avclub.com/psyched-by-the-4d-witch-1798197748

Me being lazy is fitting, because this movie is lazy to the umpteenth degree! But don’t take MY word for it, watch the clips and reviews below!