So, I bought 2 more tickets…

Lottery ticketLottery ticket…because I’m apparently a glutton (or sucker) for punishment.  Because I’m also (apparently) insane, I decided to do some “research” on the internets about manifesting money. Lottery winning, in particular.

It seems that there are quite a few ways to look at the possibility of becoming rich. One site states that you should put your intention out there for the universe to hear, while the other states that you should keep it a secret. Of course, another states that THERE SHOULD BE NO DOUBT CLOUDING YOUR MANIFESTING!!!!!111 (She who doesn’t have doubt in ANYTHING is a person I really, REALLY want to meet!)

So, if you don’t hear of me for a while, it means I won the jackpot (Future sixdegreesofstoogeration: I DID NOT.), or I’ve jumped off the St. Louis Arch.

Be Positive?! (Expletive Deleted)!!!!

ImageStay Positive? (Expletive Deleted)!!!!

 Who said can’t?  Apparently everyone who’s seen my resume.

One of the problems of unemployment is the HUGE industry of “experts” who claim that with their super duper product, you’ll have to beat potential employers off with sticks.  Er, yeah… Perhaps I’m in the wrong business.  Instead of trying to get a job, perhaps I should throw MY hat in the unemployment expert ring.  Hell, I’ve got a background in psychology, a snarky attitude, and am getting restless and disappointed with the various bits of “advice” that the “experts” have given me.

Here’s MY advice—take it from an EXPERT:  when you receive your notice, prepare for the long haul.  Figure out how much unemployment insurance you’ll get, and for how long.  Prepare to use ALL of that amount, and probably even more.  Now, that doesn’t sound as Pollyanna as the “experts”, but I’m being practical.  Prepare to use EVERYTHING!

Make “Money back guarantee” your middle name—try various programs “experts” are selling, but DO NOT BUY!!!  I know, that’s somewhat dishonest, but once you’ve seen some of this “advice”, you’ll thank me for not spending hard-earned (and limited) money chasing yet another fluffy “experts” advice on how to stand out from the crowd.

And speaking of crowds—there are many, many “experts” giving advice on how to stand out…and what they advise…doesn’t make you stand out.  Peggy McKee of Career Confidential states that you should use a 30-60-90 day plan to wow interviewers.  Here’s my problem…no one is INTERVIEWING ME!!!!  It’s hard to show off my wonderful plan (and yes, I do have one), if I can’t even get in the door!  My God—am I such a potential liability that no one’s even NOTICING my resume?  (My $200 resume, I might add…I might have to use the “money back guarantee” on that one!)

To make a long rant slightly shorter—listen to this “expert” when she says that it’s impossible to stay positive for an extended amount of time, and that it’s perfectly natural to be angry, express disbelief that some people have jobs and you don’t, and how politicians of both persuasions manage to look like idiots and still get re-elected.  Perhaps I should become a politician…nah, I feel badly enough about myself.  Becoming a politician would just make me feel worse!