Could YOU Get a Job With No Experience?

As you know, there’s been an election, an inauguration, and several press conferences with our new president. If he was analyzed as a hiring manager would analyze you, chances are he wouldn’t even have gotten in the door due to the other, more experienced job seekers (I’m talking about ALL the candidates, so don’t even try it with the “BLAH COULD’VE WON! I ain’t here for that!)

I’ve gone on soooo many interviews. Some were great! Some were terrible! A lot were meh. A few (approximately 3-4) were uber-excellent and felt like I was already in that job. Feeling and being are two different things. Only one of the uber-excellent interviews led to a job, so even though the interviewer has positive things to say, there’s always going to be that other person who may be better, may look better, may appeal to the hiring people more, etc. (Yes, we’re getting into a whole netherworld of “Did I not get hired just because someone didn’t like me?!” but you’re adults. Sometimes you don’t get the job you’re the best fit for. If you’ve got proof of questionable hiring practices, then get on it. If you’ve got nothing, well, that’s life in the big city. Suck it up and keep going.)

I bring this up because if I were a hiring manager, there’s no way in the WORLD I would’ve let our president get further than File 13. Before you say, “Libtard,” I’mma shut you up right now. You would have to be blind, deaf, mentally deficient, and insane to think that the various rantings of the world’s worst winner make a great president, no matter the party. From the least anti-Semite to the all blacks know each other and the broken record that is Hillary, the blame game, Obama, and “I have the most electoral votes EVER!” (How he ignored Reagan’s thorough CRUSHING of Mondale, I don’t know.); Trump (or as I like to call him, The Loaded 45) is just not fit to handle…some things. Two state solution? Meh, they’ll work it out. (??!!!) Did you hear about how many votes I got! I still think I got more–we should investigate! No, I’ve never been to Russia. (Shown photos of visits to Russia). FAKE NEWS!

Am I saying we should have a “do-over” (like sooooo many others are saying)? Of course not. We broke it, we bought it. We should have to wallow in our accident on the carpet for all four (or eight!) years, because, well…remember how successful the whole “birther” movement was in removing Obama? Yeah.

No, we are stuck with a testy man child for at least 4 years. So no matter if you think the Russians put him in office; he has ties to the Russian Mafia; is suffering from end-stage syphilitic brain swelling from his sex tours to Vietnam; is a draft dodger (hey, it’s Bill Clinton!); is a rapist/womanizer/serial cheater (hey, it’s Bill Clinton!); is full of crap (hey, it’s … you get the idea).

So unless you come up with a Watergate, Contragate, Monicagate, or Rosneft…gate (they’re trying!) America will do what America does best: bitch out the other side for being horrible. Well, the joke’s on you–YOU’RE ALL TERRIBLE! (But like Animal Farm, some terrible is worse than other terrible…sometimes.)

Fine For President! Don’t blame me, I voted for Larry Fine!

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Happy Anniversary!

Anniversary cake!!!!
Anniversary cake!!!!

Right now, the United States has the most available jobs in 8 years. Now is the time to polish your resume, make sure your skill sets are up to date and apply to the jobs you’re interested in! Use Local Job Service to locate jobs in your local area right now and see what jobs are currently available.

LIARS! Every job posting seems to be nothing more than a black hole to suck resumes into the ether. I have networked, seminared, and cyber-stalked to no avail.  Tomorrow’s my six-month anniversary…of unemployment! Eat a piece of cake for me, will you? (I’m not fond of cake–I’ll be eating an anniversary apple or something.)

I must be missing something in this whole job search thing. I have to be, right? WHY ISN’T ANYONE HIRING???? (Or, more importantly, WHY ISN’T ANYONE HIRING ME???!!!??)

So…It’s only been 5 months and 5 days?

Only 158 days?! That's unpossible!
Only 158 days?! That’s unpossible!

Yep. Five months and five days, with no end in sight. There’s got to be a way to find a job without having that large of a network.  Just about everyone I know is at my longest place of employment. There aren’t any jobs at said place. There aren’t any jobs at ANY place, and even the jobs that I was “promised” seems to have disappeared. (E-mails have bounced, and phone numbers/calls have gone unanswered.) You don’t have to tell ME twice!

Anyhoo, here’s to re-writing my resume (AGAIN!) and working on my interview skills! Hooray for me!

10 Ways to Get the Interviewer to Notice You (or, Why Don’t You Call Me Back?)

My kosher patron saint of Unemployment
My kosher patron saint of Unemployment

You know when you go to the doctor, and there’s something wrong with you, they usually tell you what it is. You have an idea that something may be wrong, that’s why you went to the doctor! However, this doesn’t occur in the world of interviewing. No matter how polite the request, chances are you will be ignored.

“Huh. You seem to have a hand growing out of your, er, butt.” (That’s a perfectly cromulent medical-type word!)
“Yes! I do! What’s wrong with me?!”
“Yeah, well, we’ll call you back…”
“WHEN?!!!”
(Mumbling) “Uh, the 33rd of Octember.”

You’d immediately go to the local news channels, Twitter, Facebook, and every other social media platform to warn one and all to stay away from Drs. Howard, Fine and Howard.
So why don’t we do that for interviewers? Yes, there’s Glassdoor, but aside from posting there or giving them a bad Yelp review, there’s no repercussions for bad interview etiquette. After all, there are so many others looking for work, just because YOU have a terrible experience…well…

So, until I figure out a way to creatively find a way to get interviewer feedback, it looks like I’m stuck with “Thanks but no thanks!”